Clean Your Pee off the Seat! You’re Nasty!

I will preface this blog by stating since I’m back in school I really probably won’t blog more than once a week unless I have something really important to say. It’s just not going to work out doing all of these things at once. Now for the action.

This is a rant, and no, it’s not about Nick.

I am sick and tired of walking into public bathrooms and finding pee all over the toilet seat!!! Argh!

Let’s examine the reasoning behind this.

Many women will agree that sitting on a dirty toilet seat is not that palatable. In order to circumvent putting their very pristine behinds on all sorts of bacteria and who-knows-what left behind by others they employ “the hover method.” Fair enough, I’ve done this myself, but do not use it regularly, unless it’s a particularly skanky bathroom that is. Here’s why:

Not only did I grow up, from age probably 2 – 18, using a traditional hole-in-the-ground outhouse very frequently at a park near my godmother’s house, but I spent several years in the military. Sometimes we were placed in precarious toilet situations.

For example, in The Kingdom of Jordan when we arrived at our site it was just sand and really high berms surrounding the sand. We had to build tents, wooden structures, and the bathrooms. These bathrooms were plywood boxes we used to transport equipment. The boxes were set on their side with the lid facing outward so you could lift it up like a door. Empty, metal, 50 gallon drums were cut in half and placed inside the boxes with the hole up. A hole was cut in the shape of a toilet seat of the top of the plywood box, and someone had the foresight to bring along plastic toilet seats for comfort. Daily the 50 gallon drums would fill up with human waste and it had to be disposed of.

It was at this point that we would use handles affixed to the side of the drums, drag them out of the boxes (those hinged lids are handy huh?) and move them a reasonable distance from any structure. They would be partially filled with diesel fuel and lit on fire. There were burning poop monitors standing around with very long poles of some variety to make sure they could stir the excrement and other items until there was nothing left in the drum but ashes. See picture below. After that the drum would be replaced into the community house. Yes men and women although we did have a card stating what gender was in there at the time.

D/1-7 ADA 2003 Field Toilet Sketch

As horrible as this may sound to the civilian population it was something of a coveted duty. Believe it or not Jordan gets REALLY cold in the winter. It snowed a couple of times while we were there. Just imagine that your only source of heat is fuel or oil burning stoves in tents in 20 degrees or less. Burning other people’s crap turns into a warm and happy job during the cold days.

So, back to the point I’m trying to make. I rarely hover because I contracted zero strange diseases from either of these, and myriad other circumstances. It seems like a waste of thigh muscles. I’ll admit that I more often than not don’t even bother with the seat covers. That is until I encounter the pee on the seat situation.

Now here’s my beef ladies. You hover, that’s great, it’s your right as a human to expend bodily waste as you so choose. It is HUGELY DISRESPECTFUL, however, to miss the toilet bowl and pee all over the seat and not wipe it up! That’s your pee! Not mine! Not the next lady’s and not the flipping custodians! It belongs to you! Do you pee on your own seat and leave it there?! Do you want to sit in your own pee at home?!

Okay, some will argue that there are toilets that flush with so much water pressure they splash on the seats. I’ll give you that. It’s up to the institution to regulate this and wiping up a few water drips isn’t so disgusting. That said, you can totally tell the difference between splashys and pee!

So here you are pee-on-the-seat women. You are so dang classy that your pretty little patuckus cannot touch a seat a stranger has defiled, but you are oh-so-comfortable leaving behind your own urine for others to avoid or clean up.


Clean up your stupid mess.

That is all.