There has been an elephant in the room for quite some time. As with most elephants, this one has been growing steadily over several years. It wasn’t crushingly large until recently. You know how everyone has catalysts? “The straw that broke the camel’s back.” Well this is a story about my oversized elephant, a jelly donut, beaver anus, and outrage.
My sister came over recently to see
me the baby. In spite of the fact that I told her I had begun working off the baby weight the jerk brought a delicious box of doughnuts. She specifically ordered my two favorites, an old fashioned cake donut, and the raspberry filled jelly doughnut. (I bet some of you know where I’m going with this already.) We had a nice visit and I vowed not to eat the donuts, but thanked her and said Honey Bunny could have them.
I’d been tracking my calories all day. My workout and breastfeeding burned a ton off and I hadn’t technically eaten enough to sustain myself yet. So I went ahead and guiltily scarfed half of the old fashioned in about 2 seconds.
The next day the box was reasonably emptied since my darling husband discovered them and the same situation arose. At the end of the day I was able to treat myself to the other half of that old fashioned doughnut.
The box remained on the counter the following day. I opened the lid and looked at my 2nd favorite delicious pastry, the raspberry filled jelly, and just glowered at the thing. My rage was nearly palpable. I couldn’t bring myself to eat it! It’s not because I’d worked out less. It’s not because my calorie count was any different.
I couldn’t eat the delectable treat because of an article I’d recently read about raspberry filling. Artificial raspberry flavor is often made from Castoreum, which is obtained from the anal glands of a beaver. Yes. Beaver ass.
Was I so malevolently glaring at this donut every single time I passed it because I hated the doughnut? Did I hate it to the core of my very soul because I dislike beavers? No! I hate what it represents. Being incapable of eating this donut is just a slippery slope. A slope I’m not just about to slide down, no, I’m about to intentionally grab a sled and woosh down head first.
And I’m PISSED!
My internal dialog wen’t something like this:
“So what? *shrug* Beaver ass. If you were in the forest you’d eat a beaver.”
“Yeah, but what exactly did they have to treat the beaver ass with to make it taste like raspberries?”
“Good point, which brings up another. If you’re so bent on not eating this donut because of beaver ass treated with chemicals why are you eating all of the other crap in your kitchen?”
“You’ve got me there. Why am I eating all of the other crap I’ve got in my kitchen?”
So you see! This stupid, evil, horrible, amazingly mouth watering jelly doughnut has just successfully broken down my chain of apathy. Up until this point I have been able to brush off the growing concerns of chemicals in my food by saying, “Life is a carcinogen,” and “We’re all going to die some day.” This jelly donut just ruined that for me! It’s the most evil piece of food on the planet!
Sure I’ve begun to cook A LOT more now that I’ve become a stay at home mom. We bought a deep freezer. We’ve purchased our current meat from a local butcher and will be purchasing portions of locally farmed, naturally fed, beef, pigs, and chickens later in the year. We’re way healthier now than we were. But now I can’t make the Paula Deen pot roast recipe we’ve come to love so much, because it includes a can of cream of mushroom soup. (If you haven’t been turned off of food by beaver ass make this pot roast, it’s amazing.) Sure it’s easily modified, and that’s exactly what I’ll do, but at what cost I ask you? The cost is this. If I modify that recipe, I may as well modify them all.
Just perusing my cupboards I’ve come across the words, disodium guanylate, silicon dioxide, monosodium glutamate, maltodextrin, dimethyl silicone, supercalafragalist-ramalamadingdong-ioxatine-hexavalent-words-blah-glibbidygarbage… and the list goes on. Let’s not even mention the caveat ingredient on pretty much every box or can that says, “Natural Flavor.” What does that even mean?!
Look. I don’t know what these words mean. Spell checker doesn’t think they’re words at all. I don’t want to look them up. At this point I want to look at my food and know the total ingredients list is like one thing. Corn. Beans. Pork. Chicken.
Well here we go. Now I have completely opened this can of worms. If I need beef stock, or vegetable stock, or chicken stock guess where it needs to come from? It needs to come straight from my kitchen, that’s where. Those animals have to be locally farmed, raised on stuff they’re supposed to be eating, not full of unnatural grains, shot up with ‘roids and antiboitic’d like crazy. I’ve got to cook said animals, and make sure I specifically ask for/keep their bones so I can boil them for 1/2 of my life to make the ingredients for the delectable food I’d like to prepare.
This is the ENTIRE REASON for mass produced food people! So people do not have to spend 1/2 of their life cooking food to eat and cooking food to make ingredients for food to eat later! But then we come full circle. Those mass produced foods are mass grown and mass raised with all of the chemicals, then cooked/canned/packaged with tons more chemicals and preservatives. And side note about the word “preservatives,” frankly I’m surprised we’re not all living until we’re 200 by now there are so many in everything we eat.
So here I sit. No longer comfortable living my apathetic food bubble and it sucks.
My project for the weekend is not gearing up for the Superbowl. My project will be hitting up Ikea and buying as many sealable containers I can get my hands on so I can then shop at the local, organic, health food store and buy all bulk dried goods as a start.
It will also include donating all of my unopened boxes of Rice-A-Roni, canned goods, etc… to a local food bank. This, of course, also puts me into a shame spiral because now I’m foisting my unwanted, chemical filled, unworthy food on people less fortunate.
The rage!!!!!!! The rage!!!!!!!!!!!!
*I spelled donut/doughnut both ways throughout because I think it’s funny in case you were wondering.
**These aren’t proofread or edited at all really. I have a little baby guys. Seriously. I can’t be reading everything I write before I hit publish.