Author Archives: callmequirky

About callmequirky

I'm a wife, Office Manager by day, Accounting student by night, CPA wanna-be, play adult competitive kickball, drink a little too much, am on the neurotic side, spend about 1/8 of each day ranting, and am new to the blogging world.

Please Help Find Nichole

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Reblogged from Guapola:

This past Sunday night, a local teenage girl went missing and no one has seen or heard from her since.
MISSING: Nichole Kristine Cable
15-year-old Nichole Kristine Cable of Glenburn, Maine was last heard from Sunday night at around 9:20pm. Her parents have reported that she had received messages on Facebook from an unknown male and had plans to meet up with him. From what I’ve gathered, he posed as one of her Facebook friends to get her to accept a friend request and started messaging her.
There is little to go on as far as the “person of interest” goes – only that he is male, used a fake name and is supposedly driving a small black car. A few other teen girls have come forward to say that the same man had contacted them as well, but he removed them from his friend’s list when they refused to meet him.
Nichole’s last known whereabouts is on Route 221 in Glenburn, Maine.
If you’d like to get involved, this is the Facebook group that’s been formed to get information out: https://www.facebook.com/groups/577550842284659/
I’ve also sent out some tweets about this, using the hashtag #FindNichole and #FindNicholeCable – please go to my Twitter profile and Retweet them:https://twitter.com/ms_fowle
I don’t care where you live or if you think it might not help – IT WILL! Reblog, Repost, Retweet – whatever you can! Think of all the different people who follow you online – they come from all over. Let’s use our social media outlets to spread the word and bring Nichole home!
I will update you once more information is received. Thank you for whatever help you can offer.
* * *
UPDATE: Authorities are now looking for anyone who may have seen a black Ford Ranger pickup truck (similar to the one pictured below) in the area of Rt. 221 near Rt. 43 and Rogers Market or near West Old Town between 8pm Sunday (May 12th) and 2am Monday (May13th). *Read the full article >> http://bit.ly/15VOBqJ
Nichole Cable Case - Ford Ranger
* * *
UPDATE: A ground search will be conducted today (May 19th) involving law enforcement and local citizens. I will let you know if they turn up anything. Please keep Nichole in your hearts today. Thank you.
* * *
UPDATE: More than 500 people turned out yesterday (May 19th) to help search for Nichole or any evidence of what may have happened to her. It’s been reported that “several items” were found that will be analyzed by authorities, but specifics of what was found was not made public. Authorities were almost overwhelmed by the turnout–they didn’t expect so many citizens to respond. Maine State Game Warden Rick LaFlamme told searchers to pick up any trash they found – cigarette butts, soda cans, water bottles, jewelry, cell phones – anything that could contain DNA or possibly belong to Nichole or the possible perpetrator. Nichole’s mother, Kristine Wiley, gave an emotional statement to the volunteers, thanking them all for their help.
*Latest article and video from Bangor Daily News -> http://bit.ly/16AKXTl
The search for Nichole Kristine Cable and any clues to her whereabouts continues. Keep sharing her photo and story. Someone somewhere knows something.
Related articles

The baby moved… wait… nevermind

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TMI ALERT!!!!!!!! If you don’t like my graphic blogs do not read this one. If you like laughing at my expense as much as I do, feel free to continue.

Tonight I was on the couch and felt a bunch of stuff going on in my tummy. Alarmed and excited I stopped moving. I thought, “Is this it?! Is the baby moving in there?! Is it finally my turn to feel this lump of goodness growing in my belly?! Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I spent the next 15 minutes gently poking myself in the tummy and then holding my general uterus area. I held my breath for about 30 seconds at time so there could be no possible interference. On a number of occasions I felt a little wiggle and got even more elated! I won’t deny that I slapped myself a couple of times until I realized that was probably like little fishes in a tank and immediately felt very guilty. Crap, I’m screwing the kid up already. Ugh.

THE BABY! THE BABY IS MOVING AROUND! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

Happy dance, happy dance…….

I declared to myself that this child is a genius to make Mommy feel it moving around before 16 weeks when it’s extremely likely to feel nothing until 25 weeks with a first baby. Plans began to form of state Spelling Bee championships, Intel Science and Engineering Fair awards, MIT, the Nobel Prize….. This is obviously a freaking miracle child!

Then…………

What’s this?

Gurgle, gurgle.

And I rush to the facilities.

My genius baby, the next Albert Einstein or Stephen Hawking, The Brain from Pinky & The Brain is nothing more than Montezuma’s Revenge. Ugh. No? Don’t get the reference? Okay, the Hershey Squirts. Still nothing? Diarrhea. And one helluva case of gas to boot.

Shit. 

Well it looks like I’m still waiting to feel movement. I still hold that this babe is a genius though. Obviously I’m not supposed to eat/love Thai food right now and this is his/her way of telling me.

I will fill the rest of the post with pictures of my baby bump, er, flat tummy, okay, okay, somewhat flabby belly that’s the same size as I had before.

2/14/13, 12 weeks

2/14/13, 12 weeks

2/22/13, 13 weeks

2/22/13, 13 weeks

2/27/13, Kickball bump 13 1/2 weeks

2/27/13, Kickball bump 13 1/2 weeks

3/13/13, almost 16 weeks.

3/13/13, almost 16 weeks.

Where did all the food go?

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Has this happened to anyone else?

Because I am apparently in love with hurling my guts out and a lot of food either gives me heartburn, or even the thought of it makes me gag, I’m on a pretty bland and specific diet. I still need to get all of my nutrients, but I can’t just grill a steak and eat a salad, make Chicken Cacciatore, or nuke some chili. The thought of all of those foods gives me instant bitter beer face. So, we’ve officially begun foraging for ourselves in this household and there should be a division of food. Here’s what really happens:

I get enough yogurt, berries, granola, milk, bananas, grapes, certain veggies, a big variety of fish and seafood, tunafish sandwich supplies, etc… to last a week or two. I then proceed to eat everything I need to sustain myself and the littl’un for about 48 hours.

It’s heaven. Not puky. Not hungry. Awesome.

Then, after said 48 hours are up I open the fridge………………………………

Nothing………….

ALL OF MY FREAKING FOOD IS GONE………………..

A very specific diet that should sustain a woman eating for two for a one to two-week period has been consumed entirely by a.) A ghost that must have been buried in the ground beneath the foundation of this house since we’re the first people to ever live here or b.) Honey Bunny.

Whoever the preggo menu food thief is actually has a lot of other options to choose from. The fixin’s for the dishes I mentioned previously are all available including lots of leftover junk from the Superbowl, soup, PBJ stuff, bacon and other pork products, frozen beef, pork, chicken, turkey…… pasta, rice, cereal, pancake mix, frozen pizza, Lean Cuisines, other types of veggies that said preggo doesn’t want to eat, eggs, noodles, egg noodles! The list just goes on and on and on.

Is he/the hypothetical ghost getting sympathy cravings?! What is this?!

Either way, the consequences are exactly the same, Honey Bunny is driving to the store (after a very nicely worded explanation on the importance of his unborn child and me to have food to eat) to replace said mysteriously missing items. Obviously ghosts don’t have money right? As it turns out Honey Bunny doesn’t have much money either. Well at least not in his pocket. He just got back from the store to pick up his payment methods and is on his way back out. I may very well starve to death.

On another note. The cat was just eating ferns out of my Valentine’s Day bouquet and decided to puke them up on the carpet. I’m not really hungry anymore, so I suppose he didn’t need to refill my provisions after all.

Hap… gag py… gag Val… forget it.

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Hap…

gag

py

gag

Val…

gag

entines

gag

Day!!!!

Barf.

valentines day clip art EX5

Clip art from excelcalendar.com

No Honey Bunny, please don’t make reservations. I’d prefer to enjoy the food and keep it down none-the-less. Let’s wait until I’m at the ravenously hungry and ballooning to double my size phase.

On a happy note, I’ve never been more grateful to work 10 feet from the ladies room.

vomit

Photo from http://barfblog.com/2012/12/30-sick-salmonella-outbreak-in-alberta/

Looking forward to next year when we get to spend V-Day with our little love in our arms instead of inside of me, upsetting my tummy.

Dear Kid,

You’re grounded.

Love,

Mom

My first Trifecta Writing Challenge – BFP

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This is my first attempt at participating in the Trifecta Writing Challenge, Trifecta Week #63. I’ve read submissions by fellow bloggers from time to time and decided to try it out.

The mid-week rules are to try and write a story based on a word given on the website using the third definition within the Merriam Webster’s Dictionary. This week’s word is Path (noun) 3: course, route 3b: a way of life, conduct, or thought. Well this just struck my fancy given our recent news. Posts are meant to be between 33 and 333 words long if I’ve read the instructions correctly. I’ve decided to keep mine short and sweet, just 33 words. I don’t expect any recognition or anything, but the challenge word sets me up to tell about a pretty personal experience.

Here goes nothing…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BFP

A three minute wait.
She stands in the bathroom recalling travels, fun, heartbreak, lovers, friends, triumphs, failures.
“I love wine, cigarettes, and sushi.”
Two lines on the stick.
A new path.
Oh. Wow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pregnant!

Pregnant!

Note: BFP means “big fat positive” in pregnancy test land.

We’re Having a Baby! – And Related Hilarity

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There you have it. We’re having a baby. We’re totally pumped about our little bundle of love and joy to arrive in late August or early September. Woo hoo!

That said, as it turns out being pregnant isn’t as much fun as people might think. Here are a few of the hilarious conversations, mostly with my BFF Jessica, and thoughts I’ve had recently.

First, let me preface this by saying we found out on December 21st, the day the Mayans said the world was going to end. Hilarious? Ironic? Portent for a crazy future? I say all of the above.

To Jess: “…………….. I just read something on one of the baby pages about pregnancy anal fissures. FML. Another thing. Puking whilst trying to be quiet and wearing 5 inch heals is extremely difficult. Do you know how far away you are from the bowl in 5 inch heals with a 34 inch inseam? Really friggin’ far!”

To Jess: “Typing: I cannot type correctly at all. If tim’e I’m tring trying to type it just becoe becomes onse one messy piece of jibberish gibberish. If the quiggly squiggly lines were no not under the sentences words I wouldn’t be able to fuction function in an office environment.

Math: I had to void a check because I paid a vendor twice for the same invoice.

Uterus: It feels like I have cupcake frosting moving around in there right now. Interspersed with a samurai warrior that is.

Hunger: I get full quickly, but I eat a lot. My hunger pains happen like every 2 or 3 hours, but I can’t just eat a whole meal. It has to be about ½ size.

Water: Going in = almost 2 gallons of water alone per day. Going out = yeah, that sounds about right.

Sample Google search: “How many gallons of water in a cup?” Doh! Retyped: “How many cups of water in a gallon?”

To Jess: “I just peed so much my body physically deflated. It was like I was one of those blow up Christmas yard decorations after you pull the plug. I feel ½ the size I did when I went in.”

My thoughts:

  • Holy BOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Nick may divorce me after these things deflate back to normal size. I could also have a very promising career in the porn industry.
  • Seriously, I can’t eat lunch meat that hasn’t been microwaved to a crisp? Seriously?!
  • I never thought my knowledge stores would ever contain the relative sizes/ages of various species fish to make sure my mercury intake was as low as possible.
  • So….. you tell me that you’re NOT supposed to put a heating pad on your abdomen for the crippling cramps that come with an expanding uterus eh? Because it’ll basically cook the baby eh? Um…. could someone have sent me an e-pamphlet or something when I called to tell you I peed on a stick and it told me I was pregnant?
  • No icy hot?! FML. But I hurt so bad!!!!!!!
  • The allowable temperature of a bath at 98.6 degrees is absolute shite! Don’t even try it. Not worth the water wasted to fill the tub. I miss baths so much.
  • It’s bad to make fun of your pregnant friends for not being able to drink and then not knock on wood afterward. This is literally how people get pregnant. I don’t think sex has anything to do with it.
  • It is possible to drive down a winding highway at 45 mph whilst simultaneously puking into a travel mug. How do I know this? There were no shoulders to pull over on.
  • Always keep a toothbrush in your desk at the office. I did before, but now I have more toothpaste.
  • Sudafed, I miss you.
  • Excedrin Migraine, I miss you.
  • Always feeling like you have a 2 day hangover, but not getting the added benefit of drinking your butt off and looking super cool or epicly douchy is no bueno. At least there are cool stories associated with real hangovers. What stories do I get to tell? Passed out on the couch at 8 p.m. watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns again, woke up at 4 a.m. and started puking. Stopped just before I had to get in the shower for work. Puked again at work a few times, oh, and in the car on the way to work. Awesome.
  • Sriracha hurts me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heartburn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve lost my favorite condiment. :(
  • No I WILL NOT give up that cherished one cup of coffee. Don’t you dare judge me.
  • Washing every stinking fruit and vegetable you eat is REALLY time consuming. (Yeah, I’m that girl, I didn’t wash them all before. So there.)
  • Pooping is highly underrated by the general populous. It is the most amazing bodily function in the world!!!! You don’t even know this until you can’t anymore. Did you know that in a space of 48 hours you can gain 5 lbs if you’re clogged up and lose it all after one amazing relief filled session in the bathroom?! It’s true. I scientifically tested this!
  • Did I mention BOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s all for now, but I’ll keep everyone updated.

P.S. Must get in a Nick tale where I can. Nick said this to me some time in November/December, “I want to fertilize you with my stuff in 2013.” It was very romantic. I fell in love all over again.

Husbands are evil geniuses

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The cool thing about being married is that being extremely irritated with your spouse equals you’ve just picked out their Christmas present. This works for both you and the object of your anger and violent urges. 1, it serves to stop said irritant, 2 it makes the other person happy. This is still the case even if it is a hate gift. Here’s why I think husbands capitalize on this universal truth.

Scene: Honey Bunny is desperately searching for screws that we cannot find anywhere for 25 minutes. I have given helpful suggestions and looked myself. We are completely fruitless. That said, we have managed to ransack the house, upending drawers, shelves and boxes. The whole point of searching for the dang screws in the first place is to tighten up some of the wall hangings we’ve just left leaning against walls for months before Thanksgiving. Now we’ve given ourselves even more work to do!!!

Eventually in  complete and utter exasperation, with fire coming out of my mouth and laser beams shooting out of my eyes I say (as calmly as possible under the circumstances), “That’s it! Go to the hardware store right now or there’s gonna be trouble. Further, I’m getting you a 7 foot tall craftsman red and black traditional tool box for Christmas with about 700 drawers so this never happens again! I cannot take this anymore. Do you want me to pick it out for you or you do want to pick it yourself?!”

He calmly ponders the question for a minute and replies, “I really would like to be able to organize. I’d like to pick it out myself. This is great. This is something I really need and want.”

Immediately I realize that I have just been duped into an amazing Christmas purchase for an already spoiled man. I don’t think I’ll ever learn. The man clearly majored in software engineering, but minored in Evil Genius. 

Dear Everyone Else In Relationships,

I’m sorry if tale screws you as heavily as I have been screwed. This is almost the how-to on getting exactly what you want for Christmas from your spouse. I may have just messed things up for a few folks. Just watch for their shifty eyes.

Image

Dr. Evil, Mike Meyers in Austin Powers

UPDATE: The mind of a husband….

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As I was blissfully typing the tale of my husband eating pork that was probably going to kill him and secretly thinking about the fact that his insurance policy is inadequate to carry on our lifestyle after his self inflicted demise I found out some information. Whilst I was typing this post he decided to clean the garage with an abrasive cleaner that may or may not be harmful, fair enough. At the end of said cleaning excursion, however, he thought it better than to use one of our 3 bathrooms, or even the laundry room with the massive industrial sink for that matter, to wash his entire head, and hair, in the garage sink, “because it was more convenient,” than the other faucets available to him. Yep. Married to a Tim Allen/Chris Farley wannabe here. :)

…..This evening the wonderful and immaculate Nick and I had a conversation about food. He and I both got home from work/errands around 6:30 p.m. Neither one of us had an inkling into what should or should not be cooked this evening.

As a forethought, we must note, last night I baked pork chops. We had roasted potatoes and broccoli in a cheese sauce as an accent and it was delectable.

Today, at 6:30 a.m. I noticed, on my way to work, that the pork chops were still sitting on the kitchen counter.

???????

Now, I totally get that people should take personal responsibility for things within their lives. It only comes into question wherein there are multiple lives at stake here.

Uh…… hey buddy….. are you, in fact, unaware that someone else cooked a savory meal for you? Are you incapable of sticking said leftovers in the refrigerator????? But I digress….

I emailed the famous (infamous) honey bunny about the pork chop situation at some point during my day. He said sorry, but famously made up for said faux pas with the admission that he ate the rotten pork chops (after cooking them for 3.5 minute in the microwave) on his lunch break. He also ate all of the biscuits that probably wouldn’t have killed a soul via botulism or salmonella.

Enter home, November 14, 2012:

Many discussions have been had about the dinner situation…. Do we eat leftovers… do we not??????? Somewhere in the line of questioning and fridge perusing it comes up that that recently bought (last night) Tollhouse cookie sleeve is 1/2 empty.

Me, “How did this sleeve become miraculously empty?”

Honey Bunny, “I ate them.”

Me, (questioning his understanding of salmonella), “Did you eat them raw?”

Honey Bunny, “Nope, I baked them on lunch.”

Me, “So you ate old, bacteria laced pork chops and 8 cookies for lunch?”

Honey Bunny, “No. I only ate 7. Jane, my coworker asked for one.”

Me, “That makes things all better then. Sooooo….. I think that we’ll eat leftovers tonight and not take n bake pizza if that’s alright with you.”

Then the hugs and wrestling and pinches and laughs ensued.

We have a hilarious, charmed marriage, that is for sure, but it is certain…. the man is 100% unaware of the dangers of bacteria.

Happiness is…

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…coming home with some groceries.

Cooking up grilled ham and cheese with tomato soup.

Eating dinner in the living room with a glowing fire.

Laughing at Three’s Company because somehow it’s still on TV.

Flipping the channels through Dancing With The Stars and How I Met Your Mother.

Debating with your spouse the pros and cons of Barney and Larry and Jack.

Watching and listening to the maniacal laughter of your spouse as they watch previews for new shows.

Comfy jammies.

Sniffing the flowers your significant other bought you yesterday.

Listening to the rain on the rooftop.

Blowing kisses across a room.

Being warm.

Chilling the eff out.

Going upstairs and not knowing if you’re making a baby or not.

Please! Feel free to add to this list!!!!!