The Neighbors Are Passive Aggressively Forcing Me To Diet

This morning I woke up at 5, got ready and left the house for work before 6 a.m. It wasn’t light yet. It was merely first blush. Seems like a time of day wherein most folks would still be sleeping.

Oh no. Not my motivated neighborhood. The runners were out in full force. I counted 9 before I’d gotten a mile.

Looking at all of these healthy people who are obviously older and more fit than me I couldn’t help but be slapped in the face by reality. Reality is that last night I ate, not one, but two pork chops and had more ranch dressing than green things in my salad. Reality is that this morning I threw on Spanx to make sure my outfit looked okay.

As I was driving by I could feel their thoughts, “You’re inadequate. You’re inadequate. You’re inadequate.” Okay, I’m not so narcissistic to believe that someone choosing to be healthy has anything to do with me, nor do I actually believe they’re judging me. Maybe I was thinking the thoughts, not them.

The Marilyn Manson song, “The Beautiful People,” was stuck in my head the entire rest of my drive to work.

This neighborhood is effing with my mentalĀ stability state. Everyone is as sweet as can be, but how is it that 40-year-old new mothers are healthier and look younger? Oh those Joneses, I am now feeling the need to keep up.

Of course, due to my inadequacies I popped by the store on the way in to the office and bought a bunch of fruit and veggies for breakfast and lunch. I will do my best to avoid dipping them all in gobs of wonderful ranch. :)

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…………….. Ranch.

***Spanx side note. Congrats to Sara Blakely, Spanx inventor and founder, for becoming the world’s youngest billionaire without the aide of inheritance or a spouse. Good job working hard for your dreams lady!***

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6 thoughts on “The Neighbors Are Passive Aggressively Forcing Me To Diet

  1. As for the Spanx lady, good job not only for working hard for your dreams but for the betterment of all woman kind. She may be up for a Nobel Peace Prize for keeping my body from fighting the seams of my pants.

  2. I think you should view this as an opportunity to get to know the neighbors.
    Sit on your porch with a beer and a bag of chips.
    When a runner passes, hold up a placard with a number on it (like the olympic judges). then when they come to ask why you gave them the rating you did, strike up a conversation!

    • I’m pretty sure the neighbors know all about the food and beer habit already. Not having window coverings yet it’s painfully obvious how often I get up to crack a new one and frankly I’m doing a lot of eating right in front of the kitchen window then washing it down with a cold one. :)
      Makes me wonder why they were coming over in the beginning, but have now stopped. :)

  3. That is a great ice breaker idea. Sarah, I know what you get for your house warming gifts; a six pack, ruffles and a folding chair/cooler combo with the umbrella attached.

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