Bigfoot and Me

Only judge me if you dare. This is not a tale based on empirical evidence. This is a tale based on what I lived through. It’s a tale that’s been told many times, without alteration over years and years. This actually happened. I do not pretend to understand what happened fully, but I am telling said tale to the world, as opposed to strictly family and friends.

Once upon a time, in the Army, I used to take my full 30 days of leave every year. A large portion of said leave was spent with family in the Pacific NW. Sometimes I would fly, but mostly I would drive. I adore the open road. More accurately, I adore the open road alone. I get to blast MY music, do MY thing, pull over when I have to pee, sidetrack to things like the World’s Largest Ball of Twine at MY whim. I ADORE road trips by myself like others adore chocolate. Okay, maybe I love this more because it’s less accessible.

On one particular trip between El Paso, Texas and the Washington, Oregon, Idaho area wherein my family is concentrated there was an incident. Mostly I can say things like, my AC went out, or I hopped in a lake for the fun of swimming, or I spent my 21st bday cruising at 85 mph alongside another person for 300 miles wherein we parted company never to hit a bar. This night was not like that at all.

First let me illustrate what my drive is like between El Paso and Lewiston, Idaho. It is a 1,500 mile drive of almost entirely desert and mountainous terrain. It’s very much a, you’d better like your own company type of road trip. By the time we reach the apex of my tale we are about 1,300 miles into this 1,500 mile excursion.

1,500 miles between El Paso & Lewiston.

It is about 2:00 a.m., it is December, cold, icy, and on one of the most windy and treacherous roads I’ve ever come across as a regular commuter thoroughfare. I have been driving for a day. I do not remember if I’ve take a nap or not. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn’t. If I did it’s a guarantee that I was parked in a rest area for a total of 2 hours with my gun in my hand clutched to my breast, safety on, and hidden under a blanket with the car in neutral heating me up from the night chill.

I was winding my way up I-95 between Boise and Lewiston on a road that runs mostly along a river and/or near cliffs. It is something of a pain to drive being so curvy and only 2 lanes in most areas on the best of days. The max speed is 55 – 60 and the curves range from 25 – 45. Now let’s picture one of the worst of days. It was below freezing, it had recently snowed, but the roads were passable, and I was alone, after 1,300 miles. There is little or no cell phone reception at most points in the middle of this route due to the remote area and/or the mountainous region. This is just the natural situation I was up against.

Crazy I-95 between Boise & Lewiston.

Now, let us imagine that I was road hypnotized, it was about 2 a.m., driving around twists, turns, wondering about the integrity of guard rails, if there even were any, along my route North from Boise to Lewiston.

As I was approaching one curve to the left I see something off to the side of the road. It was squatting along the white line that delineates the area between the road and off the road…..

I think to myself, “Critter.” This is very commonplace on the road, I’ve seen elk, deer, antelope, bear, fox, squirrel, etc………….. the list just goes on and on. Totally makes sense.

Next…….

Critter stands up. Erect. Human style.

Critter is a ginger, a red-head, and has very long hair.

Critter starts to sprint into the forest. Critter did not lumber. Critter didn’t look like a cheetah. Critter didn’t bound like a deer. Critter sprinted like a mother-flippin’ Olympic sprinter!!!!!!!! W!T!F!

My logical response was………..”EEEEEEEEEEEEEEFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BIGFOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m getting outta here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I started hauling a$$ out of the A.O. Holy crap. You could not keep my feet away from that gas pedal, no matter the safety concerns. I knew I’d left that son-of-a-biscuit miles behind and yet I could not stop going 70 mph around turns that even on sunny August days were only really capable of 55. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heart racing. ALONE! Stroke inducing. ALONE! Driving fast away! ALONE! Driving really, really, really fast away! I AM ALONE! BIGFOOT! GAS PEDAL! ALONE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BIGFOOT!!!!!!

The minute that I got within cell phone range I was making phone calls to everyone I knew. It took all the nerve I had to keep going/stop going. I just had to talk it out. I called my mom, my dad, my grandparents, my best friend, my sister, anyone who would pick up and listen. I was shaking and freaking out like no one’s business. IS THIS MYTHICAL CREATURE REAL?! I DON’T KNOW! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All I knew, and all I know today, is that I saw something with red hair squatting roadside, then stand up, erect like a human, and sprint into the forest. Flip! Maybe the rumors are true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Gah!

Bigfoot is alive in Idaho near Riggins.

14 thoughts on “Bigfoot and Me

  1. Cool story. Woman sleeping with gun clutched to breast at the roadside is kinda sexy.

    Sorry too much testosterone i guess.

    • That’s the way I had to role in those days. My family called me “The Road Warrior.” I’ve crossed the continent alone in a car several times and rarely stopped at hotels because I’m cheap and have a gun. :) Thanks!

    • It’s possible. Could have been anything. I could have just been completely delirious too. It was taller than a human. Taller than my boss, and he’s 6’6″. All signs point to bigfoot, except there’s no way to prove it. :)

    • Well, I only traveled with a 22. I figured if anyone was trying to break in to my car I would be in point blank “shoot you in the face” range, whereas I’m not sure that little bullet would have penetrated its fur, much less done damage. I imagine that had I shot at the guy he’d have gotten pissed and eaten my whole car, me included.

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