Open Mouth, Insert Foot 1.0

I have a little sister. She’s not much younger than me, only 15 months. Growing up it was a hair pulling, knife throwing, scream and cry fest. That’s normal for sister’s right? For example the ever popular, “You can’t wear my shoes!” “Yes I can!” “I’m telling mom!” fight. Or maybe, “She ate the last of the chips!” Classics.

Mandy and I have learned to get along quite well in our adulthood. We have a lot of similar personality traits, the same sense of humor, and really enjoy each other’s company. The former Army girl versus the former Penn State softball player makes for good physical competition. It is because I love her so much that I typically greet her with something like, “Hey ho,” when I see she’s available to chat on Facebook. That never gets old to me. It’s like Nick and butt pinches, can’t get enough.

We like to take "Beaver Teeth" pictures.

Last night I was just about to go to bed and signing off of the good ol’ FB when I saw Mandy available. She was commenting on a cute baby picture of her husband. Of COURSE I had to say hello to her. I got a little creative this time.

My greeting was, “Hello Whorish, Slutty McSluttums.”

She replied, “My mother-in-law is here and reading every word.” From prior experiences being on speaker phone and shouting the eff bomb, I’ve learned the woman is slightly more conservative than me.

I responded, “Oh! Hi Charolotte. Mandy really isn’t a whore. I just think it’s funny to call her one.” (Probably wasn’t a brilliant line come to think of it.)

Mandy typed, “You’re funny,” Probably embarrassed out of her mind.

Then when I realized I spelled Charlotte’s name wrong I quickly typed, “Sorry for spelling your name wrong apparently I’m having trouble typing. And I’m not drunk. I haven’t had a drink in 2 weeks. It makes finals easier.” (Because certainly every spelling error while under pressure will automatically be attributed to being full of booze right? Geez Sarah!)

I just kept digging and digging that hole. Thank God Mandy took the opportunity to call me. Her mom-in-law was no longer able to see me embarrassing the crap out of myself. I’m supposed to see her on Christmas. I already know the make-up present I’m getting her.


In the immortal words of Homer Simpson...

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5 thoughts on “Open Mouth, Insert Foot 1.0

  1. Ah, family….
    It’s known that I will use whatever nickname pops into my head for my siblings. Top of the list now are Jackass and Potato Head. Not sure if anyone approves, they just know to expect it.
    As do the extended family members.
    I’ve trained them well.!

    • I really like potato head. Good one. I particularly enjoy using terms that refer to both my sister and her husband’s extremely curly/frizzy/nappy even??? hair. Their future children will go broke buying leave-in conditioner.

  2. Pingback: There Goes The Neighborhood… | Guapola

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